Exposing CPC Tyranny and Running to the Free World: My Statement on Leaving China

Yu Jie

January 18, 2012

[English Translation by Human Rights in China]

In the afternoon of January 11, 2012 in the Beijing airport, my family of three boarded a plane bound for the United States. We were escorted from our home to the boarding gate by five state security officers who then demanded to take a photo with me, after which they stalked off.

The choice to leave China was a difficult one for me to make. It also took a very long time.

Since I published Fire and Ice (火与冰) in 1998 when I was still in university, I have been closely watched by the Central Propaganda Department and police. After receiving an M.A. from Peking University in 2000, I was unable to find a job due to governmental interference and had to make a living as a “not-free writer.” During the Jiang Zemin era [1989-2002], I had been able to publish some of my works in China—there was still a certain space for free speech in China. After Hu Jintao and Wen Jiabao took power in 2004, I was totally blocked. Since that time, no media in mainland China would print a single word by me, and articles by others which mentioned my name would be deleted. Though I was physically in China, I became an “exile at heart” and a “non-existent person” in the public space.

Despite that, I still did not stop writing. As an independent intellectual, I continued to criticize the CPC's autocratic system and became good friends with Liu Xiaobo, with whom I fought side by side. I have published fifteen or so books and over a thousand articles overseas. For this, I have been repeatedly harassed—summoned, placed under house arrest, threatened—and things worsened over time. In those years, during my visits to the U.S. and Europe, my friends would try to persuade me to stay, but I would answer, “So long as my life is not in danger, I will not leave China.” As a writer, freedom of speech and the freedom to publish are most fundamental. As a Christian, freedom of religion is essential. As an ordinary person, the freedom to live without fear is indispensable.

But I lost these most basic freedoms on October 8, 2010, after they announced that my best friend Liu Xiaobo was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize; illegal house arrests, torture, surveillance, tracking, and being taken on “trips” became part of my everyday life. After over a year of inhumane treatment and painful struggle, I had no choice but to leave China, to make a complete break from the fascist, barbaric, and brutal regime of the Communist Party of China.

This is what I have experienced over the past year: On October 8, 2010, the day that the Nobel Peace Prize for Liu Xiaobo was announced, I was on a visit to the U.S. I had given a speech at University of Southern California that day and heard the news that night. I was immensely excited and encouraged at the time, and immediately began preparations to return to China. Some friends warned me that the government must be in a rage from the humiliation, and, as a result, the human rights situation in China would worsen rapidly, and tried to persuade me to remain in the U.S. for a while. But for a decade, Liu Xiaobo had been my brother and closest friend; when he was the president of the Independent Chinese PEN Center, I was vice president; and I had personally experienced almost all of the human rights activities that he participated in. After Liu Xiaobo was arrested in December 2008, I was authorized by his wife, Liu Xia, to write his biography. That was why I urgently wanted to return to China and continue with my interviews of Liu's friends and family, so that I could complete this important work as soon as possible.

On October 13, five days after the Nobel Peace Prize was announced, I returned to China. As soon as I stepped off the plane, I was put under house arrest by Beijing’s state security officers. Four plainclothes policemen watched the entrance to my home 24 hours a day, even pressing a table against the main door and installing six cameras and infrared detectors at the front and back of my house. They surrounded us like a dragnet, as if facing a formidable foe.

For the first few days my wife was still able to go to work. Liu Xia had asked Liu Xiaobo’s brother and my wife to buy some clothing and food for Liu Xiaobo. Unfortunately, one day the police found a note from Liu Xia to my wife when searching Liu’s brother. After that, my wife's mobile phone was abruptly shut down and she was similarly put under house arrest round-the-clock and not allowed to go to work.

One day, my wife got sick with a fever of over 40 °C [104 °F]; though she was nearly unconscious, the police would not allow her to go to the hospital. A state security officer from the Chaoyang District Public Security Bureau named Hao Qi (郝琪) threatened viciously, “Even if you die at home, I wouldn't let you out. If you die, someone from the higher up will come and deal with it!” Extremely anxious, I turned to the Internet for help, and a kind friend saw my call for help on Twitter and called an ambulance. But the police still blocked the medics at the door. Thankfully, the doctor persisted and eventually they were allowed in to take my wife's temperature. The doctor said that her temperature was dangerously high and that she must go to the hospital for IV treatment. After several rounds of negotiations, my wife was finally taken to the hospital in the ambulance in early morning. Six police officers followed her closely, but I was not allowed to go with my wife.

The situation only continued to worsen. At the beginning of November, my phone, Internet, and mobile services were all cut off, so no one could contact us; my wife and I were at home in a state of total isolation. The everyday items that we needed, we could only write them down on a piece of paper and the state security officers would buy them for us, and then we would pay them. We did not know anything that was happening outside. We could not contact our parents or our child. This continued day after day, and we did not know when it would end and felt that it was even worse than being in prison. In prison, you have a specific prison term; you have the right to family visits; and each day you are let out for exercise. But we had basically fallen into an endless black hole, and every day felt like a year. This continued for almost two months.

December 9, the day before the Nobel Peace Prize ceremony, was the darkest moment in my life. Just after 1 p.m., Wang Chunhui (王春辉), a state security officer from Chaoyang District whom I had been in contact with regularly, knocked on my door with Deputy Director Ma of the Dougezhuang substation—my local police station—and said, “Our boss wants to talk to you.” I did not suspect at all that this was a trap; I put on a coat over my house clothes and went with them.

I realized as soon as I went downstairs that something was up.  Over a dozen plainclothes officers and several cars were waiting there. Immediately, two burly men charged at me, slapping the glasses from my face and covering my head with a black hood, and then forcing me into the back of a car. The car left at once, and two plainclothes officers sat on either side of me, twisting my hands, not allowing me to move.

After more than an hour, we arrived at some secret location. One of the state security officers wedged my head under his armpit and dragged me into a room. They ordered me to sit on a chair and not move—if I did, they'd beat me. I was wearing the black hood the entire time, so breathing was very difficult.

At around 10 p.m., they removed the black hood. Just as I was taking a breath, several of the plainclothes officials came at me again and began beating me in the head and the face without explanation. They stripped off all my clothes and pushed me, naked, to the ground, and kicked me maniacally. They also had a camera and were taking pictures as I was being beaten, saying with glee that they would post the naked photos online.

They forced me to kneel and slapped me over a hundred times in the face. They even forced me to slap myself. They would be satisfied only when they heard the slapping sound, and laughed madly. They also kicked me in the chest and then stood on me after I had fallen to the ground. One of my ribs hurt for a month, as if broken; even bending to get out of bed was very difficult.

They forced me to spread out my hands and bent my fingers backwards one by one. They said, “You've written many articles attacking the Communist Party with these hands, so we want to break your fingers one by one.” They also brought lit cigarette butts near my face, causing my skin to burn with pain, and they insultingly blew their cigarette smoke in my face.

They verbally abused me nonstop with vulgar language, calling me a traitor to the state and to the Chinese people, and trash. They also insulted my friends and family. Then they forced me to use their words to insult myself; if I did not, they would beat and kick me harder.

The head state security officer announced, “There are three charges against you: one, you took an active part over the past ten years in all of the reactionary things that Liu Xiaobo had done; you both were tools of imperialism used to subvert China. Two, in a book you published in Hong Kong, China’s Best Actor: Wen Jiabao (中国影帝温家宝), you viciously attacked a leader of the Party and state; you did not listen to any of our good advice, so we can only use violence against you. Three, you’re even writing Liu Xiaobo’s biography; if you publish this book, we’re definitely going to send you to jail.”

He went on, “If the order comes from above, we can dig a pit to bury you alive in half an hour, and no one on earth would know. Right now, foreigners are awarding Liu Xiaobo the Nobel Peace Prize, humiliating our Party and government. We’ll pound you to death to avenge this.” He added, “As far as we, state security, can tell, there are no more than 200 intellectuals in the country who oppose the Communist Party and are influential. If the central authorities think that their rule is facing a crisis, they can capture them all in one night and bury them alive.”

I do not know for how many hours the physical and verbal abuse continued. Then I fainted and my body would not stop twitching. They drove me to a hospital to try to rescue me. At that time, I was largely unconscious and only heard hazily that this was a hospital in Changping in the outskirts of Beijing. I heard the doctor say that I was severely injured, that they didn’t have the wherewithal to treat me, and that the police had to try at a larger hospital in the city. The police said, “Then you send him in an ambulance; we’ll pay.” The doctor said, “Our ambulance doesn’t have the equipment he needs. You need to immediately get one from the city that has emergency care equipment, otherwise he won’t be saved.”

Soon, an ambulance from the city arrived and took me to a hospital for Party elites, Beijing Hospital. The police gave me the fake name of Li Li (李力) and told the hospital, “This man is having epileptic seizures.”

I was wrestled from the brink of death after several hours of emergency treatment. Early the next morning, a doctor came to my room on his rounds and asked about my condition. Just as I struggled to say, “They beat me,” a policeman beside me quickly pulled the doctor aside. Another leaned close and hissed into my ear, “If you talk this kind of nonsense again, we’ll pull out all the tubes from your body and let you die.”

In the afternoon of December 10, they said that I was out of danger, so they checked me out of the hospital and took me to the hotel next door, where I rested for the afternoon. That night they told me that their boss wanted to see me, so they took me to another suite. The official who came to see me said his name was Yu and he was the deputy director of the Beijing Municipal Public Security Bureau and head of the State Security Brigade. He said deceitfully, “What happened yesterday was a misunderstanding—my subordinates’ mistakes. Don’t tell anyone outside about this.” For the next few days, I stayed in a place on the outskirts of Beijing that they had arranged. There they interrogated me every day about what I had done over the past few years, what I had written. They forced me to write a statement of promises, including not meeting with foreign reporters, not accepting interviews, not contacting anyone from the foreign embassies, and not criticizing by name the nine members of the Standing Committee [of the CPC’s Politburo] in my articles.

On December 13, 2010, I was released. For the following two weeks, my wife and I were able to leave our home, though we had to inform the state security officers stationed downstairs on a 24-hour watch where we were going and when we would return home. At the end of December, I went to my hometown in Sichuan, and they escorted me to the airport. I stayed there at my former home for four months. While I was there, state security officers would come by every half month or so to interrogate me about what I was up to.  Someone who said his name was Jiang and that he was a department head, another person who said his name was Zhang and that he was a section chief, and some other junior officers—they were the “team” in charge of my case.

For the following year, at any “sensitive moment,” such as a holiday, a memorial day, an opening day for a major governmental meeting, or a day when foreign dignitaries would be visiting, I would be illegally placed under house arrest in my home or asked to leave the city on a trip. This happened nearly every few days, so for nearly half the time I lost my freedom totally or partially. I was also forced to stop publishing articles overseas almost entirely, because every time I published an article, state security would come to my door at once with threats. There are three people in my family, but we were forced to live in three separate places: I was put under surveillance away from home; my wife worked in Beijing; and my son was being cared for by my parents in my hometown in Sichuan. Soon my wife lost her job because state security police put pressures on her company three times, and this was not the first time this kind of thing occurred. Most of the time, I was also unable to go to church or attend Bible study meetings and could not regularly practice my faith as a Christian. To me, this was an extremely painful thing.

During this time of great difficulty, when even the basic way of life could not continue, when the family could not live together, when I lost my freedom to write totally, when personal safety could not be guaranteed, and after persisting for 14 years as an intellectual in China speaking the truth, I was forced to make the decision to leave China.

However, in summer 2011, when I made the request to go abroad with state security authorities, they informed me that their superiors would not permit me and my wife to leave the country. We talked back and forth until finally I was told that they would consider my request after Christmas. After Christmas, I bought plane tickets to the U.S. and told the state security police that I would go no matter what, and if they detained me at the airport, I would do everything in my power to resist and tell everything. They said that they would do their best to get their superiors to remove the ban on my wife and me to leave the country.

On January 9, two days before I was to leave for the U.S., Jiang, the department head at the Beijing State Security Brigade, informed me the new deputy director of the Beijing Municipal Public Security Bureau (and head of the State Security Brigade) wanted to see me. On January 10, they took me to a suite in a hotel. The official said his name was Liu and was the successor to Yu, the official I had met previously. He told me to write a letter of guarantee, and then they would consider my request. He said, “China is growing stronger by the day, while the U.S. is getting weaker by the day, so why go there?” Would he dare question Vice President Xi Jinping about his sending his daughter to Harvard to study?

After finishing the letter of guarantee that I was forced to write, I was approved to go. This senior official cautioned me, “Do not think that you’ll be free once you get to the U.S. If you say or do something that you shouldn’t, you won’t be able to return home. You still have family here in China, and won’t you want to come back to visit them?  You need to continue to be careful in what you say and do.” That a regime could go so far as to use withholding a citizen's constitutionally-conferred right to enter and leave the country as a threat only shows its hypocrisy and impotence.

And that is how, on January 11, my family boarded a plane to the U.S. under the tight monitoring of state security officers.

I am now in the United States, a free country. Here, I solemnly state that [what I said in] the interrogations and the letter of guarantee that I wrote were produced under torture and coercion, and against my will, and they are completely null and void.

I further state that I shall make public to the international community all that I have endured over this past year and that I shall file a complaint with the United Nations Human Rights Council and other international agencies. I shall continue to criticize the Communist Party dictatorship in my writings. This increasingly fascist, barbaric, and brutal regime is the greatest threat to the free world and the greatest threat to all freedom-loving people. I vow to continue to oppose the tyranny of the Communist Party of China.

After arriving in the U.S., my main writing plans for the near future are: publish the Chinese edition of Liu Xiaobo’s biography two months from now and various foreign language editions afterwards. I began writing the biography in early 2009, and it is the only biography of Liu Xiaobo authorized by Liu Xia. I hope, through this biography, to comprehensively introduce Liu Xiaobo’s life, philosophy, and creativity, and give readers around the world, including those inside China, a deeper understanding of the Nobel Peace Prize laureate. I will use this book as an opportunity to call on people on every possible occasion to continue to pay close attention to Liu Xiaobo’s and Liu Xia's fates so that they can be freed as soon as possible.

I also plan to publish a new book, Hu Jintao: Cold-Blooded Tyrant (冷血暴君胡锦涛), within the next six months. This will be the companion book to China’s Best Actor: Wen Jiabao and will be a eulogy for Hu Jintao as he exits the stage of history. Hu Jintao will be a comprehensive analysis of Hu’s governance and provide analysis and commentary on the major features of the Hu era, including “harmonious society,” “the rise of a great nation,” “China model,” and “stability maintenance.” It will enable readers in China and beyond as well as the international community to see the truth behind China’s economic growth—reckless autocracy, rampant corruption, deterioration of human rights, damage to the environment, moral decline—and that Hu Jintao and Wen Jiabao are sinners of history whose sins cannot be forgiven.

After I left China, many friends there showed sympathy for and understanding of my decision and offered me encouragement and hope. I am deeply touched and encouraged by this. In the free world, I can access even more information, so my writing and thinking not only will not regress, rather, they will advance and improve. I believe that I will continue to write good works that will not betray the expectations of my friends.

On the other hand, I will put forth my voice on the broader international platform on behalf of the struggle for democracy and freedom in China. In particular, I shall urge the international community to pay more attention to the situation of those deprived of their liberty, e.g., Liu Xiaobo, Liu Xia, Chen Guangcheng, Gao Zhisheng, Hu Jia, and Fan Yafeng, as well as those relatively unknown, such as Liu Xianbin, Chen Wei, Chen Xi, and Yang Tianshui. I have already attained my hard-won freedom and security; to speak out for my compatriots who have neither freedom nor security is a responsibility and a mission that I cannot shirk. Be bound with those who are bound, and mourn with those who mourn—this too is God’s teaching to Christians.

I am a true patriot. There is a line in Macbeth that goes, “I think our country sinks beneath the yoke; / It weeps, it bleeds, and each new day a gash / Is added to her wounds.” I worry and suffer about this. I will make exposing and criticizing the tyrannical rule of the CPC my life’s cause. For each day that this government that has robbed and plundered China’s riches and enslaved and crippled the Chinese people does not fall, I will not stop exposing and criticizing it. I further believe that in the near future I will return to a China that has achieved democracy and freedom. Then, our lives will be like those described in the Bible, “[Behold,] how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity!” And those kleptocrats and traitors who wrought tyranny, from Hu Jintao and Wen Jiabao to every wicked state security officer, will be put on trial to await an even more shameful end than that of Saddam Hussein, Hosni Mubarak, and Muammar al-Gaddafi. Let us work together so that that day may come as soon as possible.

揭露中共暴政，奔向自由世界

——我的去国声明

余杰

2012年1月11日下午，我们一家三口登上了从北京赴美国的飞机。五名国保人员从家门口将我们一直押送到登机口，并要求与我合影照像，之后扬长而去。
作出离开中国的选择，对我来说是艰难的，也是漫长的。

我自1998年在北大读书期间出版第一本书《火与冰》，便受到中宣部和安全部门的严密监视。2000年从北大硕士毕业，在当局的干预下，一毕业即 失业，从此成为靠写作维持生活的"不自由撰稿人"。在江泽民时代，我的部分作品还能够在国内发表和出版，在国内还有一定的言论空间。2004年，胡温上台 之后，我遭到全面的封杀，从此不能在国内任何媒体上发表一个字，连其他人文章中提到我的名字都会被删去。我的人虽然在国内，却成了一名"内心的流亡者"和 一个在公共空间中"不存在的人"。

尽管如此，我仍然没有停止写作。作为一名独立知识分子，我持续地批判中共的专制体制，并与刘晓波成为亲密朋友，并肩作战。我在海外出版了十五本左 右的著作，发表了上千篇的文章。由此，我多次遭到传唤、软禁、恐吓等各种骚扰，处境日渐困难。那几年，我访问美国和欧洲国家的时侯，有朋友劝我留下来，我 的回答是："只要没有生命危险，我就不会离开中国。"作为一名作家，言论自由和出版自由是最基本的；作为一名基督徒，宗教信仰自由是必不可少的；而作为一 名普通人，免于恐惧的自由是不可或缺的。

但是，从2010年10月8日我最好的朋友刘晓波获得诺贝尔和平奖的消息传出之后，我便失去了这几项最基本的自由，非法软禁、酷刑、监视、跟踪 和"被旅游"成为日常生活的一部分。历尽一年多的非人待遇和痛苦挣扎后，我不得不选择离开中国，与法西斯化的、野蛮的、残暴的中国共产党政府彻底决裂。

这一年多以来我个人的遭遇是这样的：2010年10月8日，刘晓波获奖的消息被宣布的当天，我正在美国访问，白天在南加州大学发表一场演讲，晚间听到了刘 晓波获奖的消息。当时，我感到万分激动和鼓舞，立刻准备回国。有朋友告诫我说，中国当局的反应一定是恼羞成怒，并导致国内的人权状况急剧恶化，他们劝我暂 时先留在美国。但是，十年以来，刘晓波是我最亲密的兄长和朋友，刘晓波担任独立中文笔会会长期间，我是副会长，这些年他参与的几乎所有的人权活动，我都是 亲历者。从2008年12月刘晓波被捕之后，我就获得刘晓波的妻子刘霞的授权，开始着手写作刘晓波的传记。因此，我迫切的希望回到国内，继续访谈刘晓波的 亲友，以便尽快完成这本重要的著作。

获奖消息颁布五天之后，10月13日，我就从美国回到了中国。一下飞机，立即被北京的国保警察非法软禁在家中。四名便衣警察24小时守候在我家门口，甚至直接用一张桌子抵住我家的大门，并在我家前后安装了六台摄像头和红外线探测器，天罗地网，如临大敌。
刚开始几天，我妻子还可以出门上班，刘霞托他弟弟与我的妻子联系，帮刘晓波购买衣服和食品。不幸的是，有一天，警察从刘霞弟弟身上搜出刘霞写给我妻子的纸条。由此，我妻子的手机也突然被停机，同样被日夜软禁在家，不允许去上班。

有一天，我妻子生病了，发高烧至四十度，几近昏厥，警察仍然不允许她去医院。朝阳区公安分局的一个名叫郝琪的国保穷凶极恶地扬言说："你就是病死在家中， 我也不让你出门，你死了上面自然有人来负责！"万分焦急之际，我上网求救，有一位好心的朋友从推特上看到我的求救信息后，打电话叫来120救护车。但是警 察仍然把医生阻拦在门外，幸运的是，经过医生的力争，最终被同意进门来为我妻子量了体温。医生说高烧情形很危险，必须到医院输液救治。几经交涉，最后到了 凌晨，妻子终于被救护车送到医院，6名警察贴身跟随，而我被禁止陪同妻子去医院。

接下来的情况越来越糟糕。从11月初开始，我家的电话、网络和手机等全部被切断，任何人都不能与我们接触，我和妻子在家中处于与世隔绝的状态。我们需要的 日常生活用品，只能写在纸条上，由守候在门口的国保警察代为购买，然后再付钱给他们。我们不知道外面发生了什么，不能与父母和孩子联系，这样的日子一天天 持续着，不知道何时是个尽头，感觉比坐牢还要艰难，坐牢还有个具体的刑期，有亲人探视的权利，每天还有放风的时间，但我们根本就是陷入无尽的黑洞，度日如 年。这样差不多持续了两个月时间。

12月9日，诺贝尔和平奖颁奖典礼前一天，我一生中最黑暗的时刻降临了。下午一点多，此前常与我接触的朝阳区的一个名叫王春辉的国保，在我所在地豆各庄派 出所的马副所长的陪同下，敲开我家的家门说："我们领导要找你谈话。"我完全没有怀疑这是一个陷阱，身上还穿着一套家居服，只是在外面罩了一件大衣，便随 同他们出门了。

一走到楼下，我就发现情况不对。有十多名便衣和几辆汽车在楼下守候，瞬间两个彪形大汉冲到我面前，一巴掌打掉我的眼镜，用一个黑头套将我的头套住，并把我拖上一辆轿车的后排。汽车立即开动，两名便衣左右两边扭着我的双手，不准我动弹一下。

大约过了一个多小时以后，车开到了一个秘密地点。一名国保把我的头夹在他的腋下，将我拖进一个房间。他们命令我端坐在椅子上面一动不能动，一动便对我拳打脚踢。整个过程中我一直被戴着黑头套，呼吸十分困难。

到了大约晚上十点左右，他们解开我的黑头套，我刚要松一口气，立即又冲进来几个便衣，不由分说便对我进行劈头盖脸地殴打。他们脱光我的衣服，将我赤身裸体 地推倒在地上，疯狂地踢打。在殴打的过程中，他们还拿出照相机拍照，并得意洋洋地说，要将把我的裸体照片发在网络上。

他们把我按住跪在地上，先后打了我一百多个耳光，甚至还强迫我打自己的耳光，我必须让他们听到响亮的声音，他们才满意，然后发狂地大笑。他们还用脚踢我的 胸口，把我踢倒在地上后再踩在我的身体上。我胸口的一根肋骨像断了一样，后来疼痛了长达一个月的时间，连弯腰起床都感觉十分困难。

他们还强迫我摊开双手，然后将我的手指一根一根地往反方向掰。他们说："你的两只手写了许多攻击共产党的文章，要把你的手指一根一根地折断。"他们还用用灼烧的烟头贴近我的脸，我的皮肤感受到了滚烫的疼痛，他们还侮辱性地将嘴里的烟喷到我的脸上。

他们不断地用粗话辱骂我，骂我是卖国贼，是汉奸，是垃圾。同时，他们还辱骂我的家人和朋友。接着，他们强迫我跟着他们的说法来骂自己。如果我不骂自己，他们就加倍对我拳打脚踢。

带头的那个国保警察宣布："你有三个主要的罪状：第一，这十年来刘晓波做的所有反动的事情，你都积极参加，你们都是帝国主义颠覆中国的工具；第二，你在香 港出版《中国影帝温家宝》一书，恶毒攻击党和国家领导人，我们好言劝告你不听，就只能用暴力来对付你；第三，你还在写作刘晓波的传记，如果你要出版这本 书，我们肯定把你送进监狱。"

他还说："如果上面下了命令，我们半个小时就可以在外面挖个坑把你活埋了，全世界都没有人知道。就在此时此刻，外国人在给刘晓波颁奖，羞辱我们的 党和政府，我们打死你来报复他们。"他接着说："根据国保掌握的情况，国内反对共产党的、有影响力的知识分子，总共也不会超过两百个人，一旦中央觉得统治 出现危机，一夜之间就可以将这两百人全部抓捕，一起活埋。"

整个殴打辱骂的过程不知道持续了几个小时，后来我昏迷了过去，而且全身不断抽搐。他们开车将我送到医院抢救。那时，我已经没有了大部分知觉，只在 迷迷糊糊中听到，这是北京郊区昌平的一个医院。医生说，这个人伤势严重，我们这里没有办法抢救，你们得送到城里的大医院去试试看。警察说："那么，你们派 个救护车，我们付钱。"医生说："我们医院的救护车没有那些特殊设备，你们要立即从市内调有急救设备的车来，否则就没救了。"

不久，救护车从市内赶来，将我运送到市内的一家"高干医院"----北京医院。他们给我报了一个叫李力的假名字，对医院说："这个人是癫痫病发作。"

经过几个小时的抢救，我终于从死亡线上挣扎过来。到了第二天早晨，医生来查房，询问我的情况，我刚刚挣扎着说了一句"他们打我"，在旁边的一个警察头子立 即将医生叫到一边。而另一名警察贴近我的耳边凶狠的说："如果你再乱说话，我们把你身上的管子全都拔掉，你就去死吧。"

10日下午，他们看我已经脱离生命危险了，便将我从医院带出去，带到旁边的一个酒店，休息了一下午。傍晚，他们告诉我，他们的领导要来看我，就把 我带到另外一个套房中。来见我的官员自称姓于，是北京市公安局副局长和国保总队的总队长。他虚伪地说："昨天的事情是个误会，是下面的人做得不对，你不要 对外说出去。"之后的几天，他们在郊外安排了一个地方让我去住，每天审讯我这些年从事的活动和写的文章。他们强迫我写下一份承诺书.

直到2010年12月13日，我被释放回家。此后两周，我和妻子可以出门，但必须告知在楼下24小时监控的国保警察，要去哪里，什么时候回家。十 二月底，我返回四川老家，他们把我送到机场。此后，我在老家居住了四个月。在这些时间里，差不多每隔半个月时间，国保警察便前来盘问我的生活情况。他们是 一个由一名自称姓姜的处长、自称姓张的科长和其他几名年轻下属组成专门负责我的"团队"。

此后一年，一遇到所谓的敏感时刻，比如节日、纪念日、开会日、外事访问日等，我就被非法监禁在家，或者被要求到外地去旅游。这样几乎三天两头，有 差不多一半的时间我都失去或部分失去自由。我也被迫几乎停止了在海外发表文章，因为每有文章发表，国保警察立即上门来威胁。我们一个三口之家，被迫生活在 三个不同地方：我被监控在外地，妻子在北京工作，孩子在四川老家由爷爷奶奶照顾。很快，由于国保警察三次去妻子工作的公司施加压力，她的工作也失去了，这 种情形不是第一次发生。在大部分时间里，我也不能到教会参加聚会和查经，不能过一个基督徒正常的信仰生活。这对我来说，是极为痛苦的事情。

在这样艰难到连基本的生活都不能为继的时侯，在一家人都不能生活在一起的时侯，在我的写作自由全部丧失的时候，在基本的生命安全也没有保障的时候，在坚持在国内做一个说真话的知识分子十四年之后，我被迫作出出国的决定。

但是，当2011年夏天我向国保方面提出出国的要求时，他们却告知上级不准我和妻子出境。经过反复的谈判，他们答应圣诞之后可以考虑我出国的事 情。圣诞之后，我购买了赴美的机票，并告知国保警察，无论如何我也要走，如果我在机场被扣留，我绝对要奋力反抗并说出一切真相。他们回答说，他们会尽量做 工作，让上级解除不准我和妻子出境的禁令。

1月9日，我的赴美机票时间的前两天，北京国保总队的姜姓处长告知，新任的北京市公安局刘副局长（兼北京市国保总队总队长）将约见我。1月10 日，他们将我接到一个酒店的套房内，与我会见的官员自称姓刘，是此前与我见过的于姓官员的继任者。他要求我写一份保证书。然后再考虑我的要求。他说："中 国日渐强大，美国日渐衰落，你何必去美国呢？"他敢如此质疑送女儿去哈佛读书的习近平副主席吗？

在被迫写下这样的保证书后，我被批准放行。这名高级官员警告说："不要以为到美国就自由了，如果你说了不该说的话，做了不该做的事，你就不可能回 国。你的家人还在国内，你难道不想回来探望他们吗？你要继续谨言慎行。"一个政权居然用宪法赋予公民的出入境自由来要挟其公民，可见它的虚伪和虚弱。

就这样，1月11日，我们全家在国保警察的严密监控下登上了到美国的飞机。

如今，我来到美国这个自由的国家。在此，我郑重宣布：在酷刑和逼迫情形下所作的笔录和保证书，是违背自己真实意愿的，全部作废。

我更宣布：我向国际社会公布自己这一年多以来我所遭遇的一切，并向联合国人权理事会等机构提出控诉。我将继续从事批判共产党专制制度的写作。这个日渐法西斯化，越来越野蛮和残暴的政权，是自由世界的最大威胁，是一切热爱自由的人的最大威胁。我将矢志不渝地反对中共的暴政。

赴美之后，我近期内的主要写作计划是：计划两个月以后出版《刘晓波传》的中文版，以后陆续出版此书的各种外文版本。这本传记在二零零九年初便开始 写作，也是由刘霞授权的惟一的一本刘晓波的传记。我期望通过这本传记全面地介绍刘晓波的生平、思想与创作，让包括中国人在内的全球读者更加深入地认识这位 诺贝尔和平奖得主。以此为契机，我将在一切可能的场合呼吁人们持续关注刘晓波和刘霞的命运，以便让他们早日获得自由。

我还将计划在半年内出版新书《冷血暴君胡锦涛》，这本书将成为《中国影帝温家宝》的姊妹篇，将是致即将退出历史舞台的胡锦涛的一份"悼词"。书中 将全面分析胡锦涛的执政方式，对"和谐社会"、"大国崛起"、"中国模式"、"维稳"等胡锦涛时代的重要特征进行分析和评述，让国内外的读者以及国际社会 认识到中国经济增长背后专制肆虐、腐败盛行、人权恶化、环境破坏、道德滑坡的诸多真相，而胡锦涛和温家宝是罪不可赦的历史罪人。

我离开中国之后，国内很多朋友对我的选择表示同情和理解，也对我提出一些鼓励和期望。对此，我深受感动与鼓舞。我在自由世界中可以接触到更多的资讯，由此我的写作和思考不仅不会退步，反倒会有进展与提升。我相信，我会不断写出不负朋友们期待的好作品。

另一方面，我也将在更加广阔的国际社会的平台上，为中国的民主与自由奋力发出自己的声音。特别是呼吁国际社会更多关注仍然被剥夺自由的人士的处 境，如刘晓波、刘霞、陈光诚、高智晟、胡佳、范亚峰以及相对不为人所知的刘贤斌，陈卫、陈西、杨天水等人。我已经获得了来之不易的自由与安全，为那些仍然 处在不自由、不安全的境况里的同胞仗义执言，是我不可推卸的责任和使命。与捆绑者同捆绑，与哀哭者同哀哭，也是上帝对基督徒的教导。

我是一名真正的爱国者。莎士比亚在《麦克白》中有这样一句台词："我想我们的国家正在重轭之下沉沦，在哭泣，在流血。每一天，她的旧痕之上都在增 添着新伤。"我为此而忧伤痛苦，我将把揭露和批判共产党的暴政作为我一生的事业，这个窃取与掠夺中国财富，奴役与残害中国人民的政府一天不垮台，我对它的 揭露和批判就一天不会停止。我更相信，在不久的将来，我会回到实现民主自由的中国，那时，我们的生活将如同圣经所说"弟兄姊妹和睦同居，是何等的美，何等 的善"。而那些施行暴政的窃国贼者和卖国贼，从胡锦涛、温家宝到每一个作恶的国保警察，都将被送上审判席，等待他们的将是比萨达姆、穆巴拉克、卡扎菲们更 加可耻的下场。让我们为那一天的早日到来而共同努力。